Cold dark white
covers everything
i knew this day
would come
but i’m not ready
all i hear is
“i’m tired. i want
to enjoy spring”
i don’t know what its like
so i cant argue
he just stares
i wonder if he understands
the battle is almost
over
she is a survivor
but all things end
the hospital is cold
she is here
once again
this place so familiar
long white halls
never ending
i give directions to
strangers
i fear this is only
the beginning
with no deterrent
the evil will
run rampant
grow stronger
like a kid at school
the whole body
now its playground
they can no longer be
alone
like a child again
i clear space
in their fifty year
collection
i build walls, i lay carpet
i distract myself from the
reality
i wonder
about time
thinking we have
some
knowing i want
more
feeling i could never
have enough
belongings fill
the new rooms
quickly
this is now home
once again
confusion sets in
limits are tested
unbalanced
spring has arrived
flowers, birds, buds
are prevalent
outside on the porch
i read out loud
she listens and smiles
i am brought back to
childhood
except we have changed
roles
innocent
i dont know if
she understands
blank stares
no curiosity
no questions
there were always
questions
i’m staying home
more and more
panic sets in
afraid to not be
here
she has fallen
she is weak
sleeps often
friends visit, sing
she is happy
he watches her
amazed at how much
is lost
their time together
now just a blur
they are like strangers
so disconnected
but knowing that they need
each other
love remains
the same
air gets thicker
sun beats down
pollen is abundant
she sleeps
he doesn’t feel well
himself
trouble breathing
things blur
panic sets in
whirlwind
diagnosis
unprepared
caught off guard
the use of oxygen
its all too much
we all are tired
disbelief
it needs to slow down
nights are spent awake
baby monitors
in separate rooms
time slowly goes by
too fast
downward spiral
she sleeps more
mind wanders
panic sets in
morphine
panic sets in
deterioration
panic sets in
desperation
anxiety
he watches baseball
they rarely talk
she is silent
her body weak
her mind is
lost
searching
she is gone
gone like our
innocence
goodbyes
“i only want to hear her say
good morning”, he says
he is lost without
her
delusions and discontentment
wanting to be with her
his will stronger
than anything
I’ve witnessed
he is gone
gone like our
innocence
its me
alone
twelve days
lost confused
crushed
sill alive
barely breathing
constantly without
searching
for answers
reassurance
stability
sense of home
sense of self
twelve days
praying
to a God
I don’t believe in
everything will
change
air is crisp
leaves red, orange
brown
back to reality
barely breathing
distraction
wanting out
no concentration
memories flash
tears
everything is gone
everything is them
constant reminders
everywhere
block emotion
i cant get away
clean out
begin again
breathe
snow falls
like a blank
canvas
in need of
life
i try
i stumble
i get back up
breathe
magical moments
festive
blanket of snow
reflecting lights
choirs sing
trees light up
families gather
families gather
i am lost
picking up the
pieces
i’m surviving
breathe
cold dark white
covers everything
i knew this day
would come
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